The Auditorium Hotel, Nanton

Welcome everyone to Too Drunk to Cry, my new blog, where I'll talk about some dive bars I've been to in big and small towns around the country. I've had this idea for a while and written a few notes here and there but never did bother to put pen to paper, as it were, but lately with none of us able to go out and see these places, it seems to be the perfect time to start typing.

It makes the most sense to start this off with the place that I know the best and the one that I've spent the most time in, my hometown dive, The Auditorium Hotel. Now this place looks like it has been around for about 600 years but it was actually built sometime in the early 1900s, I'm not too sure of the date, but really what does it matter, it's an old joint. I don't really know when, in the last while, that the name was switched back to The Auditorium, I've always known is as The Coyote (like 'boat') or just The Hotel. Before I was old enough to go, it ran under the name of The El Coyote (like 'I've got to pee') Hotel. The kids these days all call it The Aud but they don't know much.

For me, it all starts with the decor, everyone knows that that is part of what makes a really good dive bar. When you walk in to The Hotel through the old lobby entrance you're met by a gigantic painting of an old cowboy, taking a break from the roundup probably, looking out across the hills, just like present day out west. At some point or another someone decided it would be a good idea to damage the painting, it could have been one of the past patrons that slept on the couch that sits underneath. From the lobby you enter the bar proper through double doors and can get a good look at the lay of things. VLT machines straight ahead and long bar immediately to the right, opening up in the back to the dance floor and stage. All around on the walls are old stuffed animals (not care bears). There's an old coyote, lots of different birds, a jackalope with no horns, which I guess is just a rabbit and the world's oldest cougar sitting right above the bar. There used to be an iconic old buffalo on the wall but some asshole decided that he'd always wanted to steal it so he took it down and in the process of not even making his way out of the building with it managed to bust a horn off of the damned thing. Now a shitty Captain Morgan sign hangs in it's place. It's too bad. That's not the only poor luck to befall the once living art work though, I know a guy that had a great night punching the heads off of some of the birds. Haha, then he flipped the pool table over. Another guy that I know really well had to pay some reparations on that one, due to his relationship to the bird puncher. I was glad to have been far out of town that night. The back bar looks someone that fancied himself a handyman and had a number of square yards of mirror to work with built it. Even the bar shelves are made of mirror, it's something else. The beer cooler works alright, but you need to keep in mind that if you're planning to drink hard on something popular, it's going to start coming to you on the warmish side eventually. That's pretty minor though. I suppose I could go on about the ambiance but those of you that know the place don't need to read about it and you that don't know it can just come see it.

Like every other place, there's regulars. The usual bunch, loud people, happy people, gamblers, drinkers, dancers, them that stay for one drink and a good visit and those that stay too late. It's something of a rotating cast I suppose, people play different roles at different times and that's one thing that I've noticed pretty much everywhere.One regular that was around for a really long time was that damned orange cat that lived in the bar. He was a kitten when I was 18 and it wasn't too terribly long ago that he died. I don't know how a cat was allowed to live in the bar and if I think about, there was actually a big old hairy grey cat that was around too. There used to be complimentary popcorn out of one of those kettle type popcorn machines and we'd always watch to see who might go for some free popcorn. The locals never did because we'd all seen that orange cat sleeping in the popcorn machine.

The owners, Barb and Larry, have always done a pretty good job of giving people a good reason to come in and enjoy themselves. The Hotel was a good stop on the bar room music scene, guys like Hayes Carll, Fred Eaglesmith and Adam Carroll have all played there. That eccentric weirdo Washboard Hank has been a semi-regular as well, same as Dave McCann. For the last few years the big night has been Thursday. There's a good and cheap steak sandwich (cheapest steak in town) and the Loree Brothers, aka The Pailbunters, play with guests. They put on a good show, not too loud, just good for visiting and dancing.

Well this has been pretty long and rambling, I know that I'm not saying all I had planned to but that's ok. The process will refine itself with practice. I hope that all of you are staying safe and enjoying yourselves and I hope to see some of you down at The Coyote once we're allowed to congregate again.

CP

#divebar #nantonab